GO GO GO! About the constant need to be in a rush

I have a confession to make: before writing this article, I’ve bounced between subjects in my head as fast as people scroll through TikTok videos. I considered talking about my tumultuous family history or the genius of Leonardo da Vinci to the challenges of public speaking or my history with self-hatred. I even wanted to share my excellent lasagna recipe or explore the history of communism in Eastern Europe or how comedy is my favorite coping mechanism. I should add that I’m very glad I was born after the fall of the communist regime; I might’ve been a failed comedian or mysteriously “disappeared.”

However, today, I finally decided on a subject that's more personal than my previous articles: how I learned to slow the fuck down. We live in an era where speed is constantly UP, UP, UP. Nothing seems to slow down. We’re all on a treadmill that has infinite energy and no OFF button. Being constantly on high alert feels like it’s just part of modern life, BUT I think there might be deeper factors at play (and I really don’t like simple answers to seemingly “simple” questions).

You might not notice it from my writing, but my brain is very, very faaaaast.

I was quite surprised when I first heard it around a year ago, because during my school years I was told I was too slow.  But that didn’t stop my work colleagues from making comments such as: “You’re going too fast. Could you please slow down? “ or “Don’t get ahead of yourself.” This isn’t me humble bragging. I’m not showing off my cool, fast Formula 1 brain; it’s just my normal state, even though some people might call it anxiety.

Before others pointed it out, I was ok with it, like a fish happily swimming in the ocean. But after hearing it repeatedly and seeing it affect every aspect of my life, I realized it might be a problem. Awareness is only one part of the solution. So, what do you do after being in 5^th gear for so long? First, you need to untangle where the need to rush is coming from.

It's the parents...again

I know this is an overused trope by now and that some people feel like we’re pushing all the blame on parents, but their behavior during our formative years greatly affects how we deal with things as adults. Take my parents, for instance. They’re unable to sit still. They simply can’t relax. Every weekend of my early life was spent doing something, whether it was tending the garden or fixing the house. I know some people like to think that it’s capitalism or TV commercials. But that’s not my parents’ case; theirs was a desire to overcome poverty and fill a lifelong emotional void due to the lack of love in their childhood home.

Good news: my parents overcame poverty and now live more relaxed and financially fulfilled lives, but old habits die hard. For instance, when my Romanian father first visited me and my husband in the Netherlands, the question he asked every day, without fail, was “Is there something I can do around the house?” To which I’d have to calmly repeat myself “Thank you, but no. I just want you to have a good time.”

Solution: When we can't slow down, it's helpful to ask ourselves simple questions, such as: “Why am I doing this?” I tried it, and the answer came quickly: I never felt good enough because my parents constantly compared me to others. Therefore, I felt the need to compensate by always keeping busy, because I believed that love was a prize to work for. See? Simple.

Don’t run away from your emotions, they’re faster than you are

It might seem counterintuitive, but if you experience unpleasant emotions, such as constant stress from being overworked or mistreated, you should thank your complex inner alarm system. Imagine if you always turned the other cheek at every injustice; you’d run out of cheeks and end up looking like celebrities after buccal fat removal surgery, or worse.

I'm all for kindness and empathy, but we don’t always deal with sweet, loving people. Sometimes, we have to interact with people who had a bad night’s sleep, drank too much last night, or someone who just loves to cause drama in other people’s lives instead of choosing a career in entertainment. Just like you, I was taught to be understanding and empathetic, regardless of someone’s behavior. But I had to listen to my anger, figure out what to do with it, and channel it in the right direction.

Solution: Figure out who you’re dealing with, whether it’s yourself and your murky past or someone else’s behavior. The solution for the first option is more in your control. However, if you’re dealing with someone who consistently thrives off of drama and chaos, the best solution is avoidance. It’s not a good idea to try and fight them; you most likely won’t win, and you'll have wasted energy you could've used otherwise.

Those damn phones

We all spend too much time online. It’s as if our phones are extensions of our bodies. Growing up, I loved my computer, sometimes more than what’s considered healthy. But my father absolutely HATED it with every fiber of his being and would check its temperature to see if I I used it too much for his liking. Oddly enough, he bought it and kept it for years. Very confusing, isn’t it?

Anyway, let’s face it: living without our phones today is nearly impossible. If you try to get directions without GPS and ask people on the street, they’ll look at you like you’ve lost your mind. You’ll probably be met with the same look of disgust as if you were walking butt naked in broad daylight. And who wants to be seen roaming in Adam’s or Eve’s costume on the streets? Hopefully nobody reading this article.

Solution: Pay attention to your surroundings. Don’t stare at people, they might find you creepy. Try to really observe the world and things around you. This practice will slow down your brain and narrow your focus. Let your curiosity flow and ask as many questions as you like. Later, you can find most of the answers to your questions online, anyway. This way, you’ll discover if it was just a simple distraction or a genuine interest in a particular topic.

However, I must warn you that these are only suggestions and if none of the above work, developing a healthy sense of humor and learning to laugh at it all might do the trick. You’ll either achieve balance or go completely out of your mind. But then again, that’s just living in the 21^st century.